December 2011
2 posts
So I have a friend that I used to be SUPER DUPER DUPER close too but then she all the sudden got really wrapped up in looks and always having a boyfriend and just little things that really do not fucking matter in the big picture and it physically exhausts me to be around her but I still really care about her a lot and stuff but she just tweeted “Remember when we were best friends? Yeah,...
It makes me really sad when my friends worry about me, like I think it sort of brings me back to earth a little bit just to kind of realize that some of the choices I have made aren’t necessarily the best?
For example, today I was at a Christmas party with a group of friends from high school and none of them were ever my super close friends except for Nigel. Nigel and I were really really...
November 2011
1 post
well, I haven’t posted here in a while but GEE WHIZ FUCK I am going through a funk
I just, don’t really understand life? I guess that’s it! I don’t understand anything!
Basically people always say “Do what makes you happy!” blah blah blah! But I’m pretty sure if all I ever do with my life is music I will end up a drug addicted spinster living alone in a...
October 2011
2 posts
wow fuck I really hate how I feel right now
1 tag
Spoiler alert, Louie, don’t take any of this personally because I totes understand and I am not mad at you at all I am just sad that I didn’t see you.
essentially I am really drunk right now and I am kind of upset? like, this weekend I had plans to see Molly and her band friends that I know, Carter, Louie and Omar and I only saw Molly and her band friends. And while I am SUPER DUPER...
September 2011
3 posts
lornblr:
So I realized tonight that the weirdest feeling in the world is trying to remember what it felt like to be in love with Kenny
Like, all my memories of the relationship (pre dark-ages) are really good and all but they feel wrong, like they aren’t actually my memories. And on top of that I cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like to feel the way I did then, again. And now I...
So I am having a really hard time making friends in college and it’s been really upsetting me lately. I mean I have friends from marching band, but they are all older than me and already have friends their own age and jobs and none of them live on campus so it’s really not convenient to hang out with them. And aside from that I have Olivia, and I love her a lot but she spends all of...
lornblr:
There is a guy in my Piano class AND in Symphony and he is perfectly my type and he plays upright bass and I don’t know his name but I will find it out and he will love me because he is perfect and I will die otherwise
*spews passion everywhere*
No but really, I have never been one to believe in like love at first sight or anything but I cannot stop thinking about this guy. I noticed...
August 2011
3 posts
I love how I can fall for a guy in one day and be his first kiss and then the next day be “just friends” and then still be completely smitten with him almost a week later.
Fuck
So, I finally got a little homesick and I’m not even homesick, I’m Sebastopol sick. Ugh it is just so stupid, I am in this amazing place and all I can think of is having heart to hearts with Kathy at breakfast and building forts with Dawson and that is all I want right now.
I just saw pictures of the girl that Dawson is sort of dating and she is so incredibly pretty. I have gone from being so happy about my dream to wanting to vomit I am so upset ugh.
Why did I do that to myself I am so dumb, I could have lived my whole life without seeing pictures of her and been fine.
July 2011
3 posts
I have the terrible irrational fear that I will never ever be in love again and that any guys I date in the future will be entirely sub-par and the rest of my life will be completely mediocre and I will get fat and marry an asshole and my children will be ugly and I’ll have a terrible divorce.
Basically I am afraid that I will never have a good relationship again and it scares me to death...
2 tags
So lately I have been thinking a lot about guys, which is frustrating as hell. But I’ve basically narrowed it down to there being three guys of interest in my life, which is nice I guess.
So here they are, laid out plain and simple: Skyler, Adam and Dawson
So let’s start with Skyler, can I start by saying that his name being in this list kind of makes me wanna barf? But, let’s...
June 2011
5 posts
Sometimes I feel like my friends are just humoring me. Not my close friends, such as Lauren, Molly and Louie, but rather just my general group of friends. Ugh I just feel like no one takes me seriously or actually cares about me but I mean I guess maybe I shouldn’t expect that type of respect/care from just general friends? Maybe that is reserved for really close friends? Ugh WHO KNOWS
It is times like these when I really just wish I had a devilishly handsome man to lounge in bed with
I felt cute for the first time ever yesterday. Way to go new hair cut!
High school is over. Wow, that is a lot to comprehend. I am just going to quickly recap the past four years:
Freshman year:
The first half I tried to stay solidly in the group of jock/popular girls with my basketball playing status
Band sucked me in and took over my life
I started dating Kenny and basically said goodbye to any semblance of a social life I once had
Sophomore year:
I spent...
So, I know this shouldn’t bother me and I should have seen it coming, but I’m really upset that my last day of high school has come and gone and he didn’t say one word to me. Realistically, I am probably never going to see him again and I am getting a little to emotional about that fact. Like I said, I should have seen this coming, but I guess I just really hoped that whatever it...
May 2011
11 posts
Last night my friend, Roy, who is in a very serious relationship with my friend Sara, spent almost an hour holding and stroking my hand. And then he followed me to my car when I went to grab a sweatshirt and hugged (more like embraced) me for a good 5 or 8 minutes and told me how awesome I was. And then later after he help Sara stumble to her car to go to bed he came and put his arm around me and...
So I have now solidified my reputation as the band stoner, after everyone had sobered up a bit last night (or passed out) I wandered off into the field to smoke and just watch the stars and when I got back to the bonfire no one would sit next to me and I think everyone was really mad at me for smoking. I have since been assured that no one cared but I still can’t shake that feeling and it...
YOU MAKE ME SO FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY AJKSHKLAJHDAKLJSA AKJAGFKAGF
I am so stressed out and anxious right now it is ridiculous. I am fed up with school and everyone at school, I am sick of my grandparents and I am freaking out about all this college stuff. On top of all that, the only thing that sounds appealing right now is just hanging out and relaxing with Skyler but he is to busy being afraid of emotions to pay any attention to me. It’s disgusting that...
But seriously, I was completely fine with it being just a meaningless sex thing until he expressed legitimate feelings for me. And now he won’t even talk to me and the way I see it there are two options, either he does have feelings to me and is to scared of what could happen or he was lying to me when he said he had feelings for me and he doesn’t want to admit to it. Honestly I do not...
Falling for a sophomore was not in my plans for this year and now he is ignoring me/avoiding me like the plague.
SORRY THAT YOU ADMITTED TO HAVING FEELINGS FOR ME AND WHEN I EXPRESSED FEELINGS BACK YOU FREAKED OUT
YOU STARTED THIS
THIS IS NOT MY FAULT
FUCK
I am really terrified of losing all the friends I have made this year after we graduate. I’m so so so excited for college, but at the same time I can’t help but be incredibly sad about leaving all these great people behind.
I spent the entirety of band imagining myself tying him up, psychologically tormenting him, and then brutally beating him until he is close to death. And then I started laughing uncontrolably and the urge to hit someone was so fucking strong it was ridiculous.
Perhaps I should start going to therapy again.
I just had the best sex I have ever had
yeah
I cannot stand judgmental Christians. Excuse me for having sex and smoking pot and being a normal teenager. I don’t think that either of those things are a big enough deal to make me some sort of bad person. The reason I want to be a youth minister is to help other kids find comfort and solace in God, not to be some sort of perfect little role model. And honestly, when in my job as a youth...
It shouldn’t bother me so much that I don’t have a date for Senior Ball, but it really drives me crazy. When I was little, I would go through photo albums and see pictures of my mom and all her dates to dances and she just made high school seem so glamorous and easy. Back then I would dream about Senior Ball and the dress I would wear. Of course, I took it for granted that I would have...
April 2011
3 posts
Sometimes I really just wish I could scream at everyone. Just yell every horrible thing I want to say as loud as I possibly can and see how they react. I get the urge to do this in the middle of class sometimes, just to jerk everyone out of their silly little routine. I am just so sick of how everyone just takes everything for granted and acts like it’s okay to treat people like shit. Hello,...
I spend so much time worrying about people that don’t like me that it could probably be considered obsessive. In general, I’m a pretty laid back gal, but it really just drives me up a wall when people don’t like me. I always feel like I am missing out on a potentially great friendship, which then causes me to constantly worry about why they don’t like me and try to fix it....
When I was in middle school and about the first half of high school I went through a hard core feminist phase. I pretty much thought all guys were out to get me and that I constantly had to prove myself as being equal, etc.
Anyways, that point is, I can slowly feel myself sinking back into that attitude. Lately I feel like the guys I interact with at school and during music and stuff like that...
March 2011
11 posts
Hi erm, Louie you are going to read this (if you do in fact read it) and think “what the hell” and ajshdasjklhda yeah. And Molly you already know about it. But I just really wanted to write something about it because I am rather excited and happy right now.
So as of today I am officially having an “affair” with a sophomore boy. It is not that either of us are cheating on...
Well, I have now spoken to both Louie and Molly about my sexuality. I feel so much better and lighter and just all together more comfortable with myself. Also, I feel like now that I have made my thoughts known to other people I just understand what is going on better and it is lovely. I never knew that a single conversation could just feel so all together wonderful.
2 tags
Sometimes I invite underclassmen boys to hook up with me in my car; they just don’t realize that I am not joking.
Also, it really bothers me when people say that they were always confused as to why I was dating Kenny in the first place and that he is ugly. Even though I’m not dating him anymore and do not plan to ever again I still think he is a good looking guy. It’s kind of insulting to have your friends call your ex boyfriend ugly, I mean come on I had sex with the guy I obviously think he is...
Dear Kenneth,
I finally got to a point in my life where I legitimately liked who I am and then you had to waltz back in and blow that all out of the water. My plan for tonight was for you to see how good I looked and feel like shit about your pathetic little life, but no, you had to ruin that. You had to come over and talk to me. You had to be charming. You had to be sweet. You had to hold my hand.
In my...
In our jazz band there is a group of guys that have this jazz quintet and I want to be a part of it in some way shape or form so badly. I mean I would not expect to be like a permanent member ever but I at least wish they would ask me to play/sing a song or two with them once. I have just always wanted to be a part of something like that and they are all such great musicians. Sometimes I feel like...
1 tag
Here are reasons why Anne Marie and I are friends.
For the record, I have been trying to think of reasons for a good 10 minutes this is difficult
…
she listens to good music
…
she has thoughtful suggestions for books to read
she likes asian food
we were forced to be friends as children because of girl scouts and soccer
ugh I will try to make this list again some other day when...
castlemusic replied to your post: I just spent twenty minutes writing a list of…now write a list of all the reasons she IS your friend, because if you’re already invested in the relationship, there are obviously reasons. And they’re probably good reasons, and there are probably a lot more than you realize.
Hi Ed, I am going to attempt to humor you on this blog but I do not know how...
1 tag
So I have this friend and I guess technically she is my “best friend” but oh my lord I cannot stand her anymore. It has gotten to the point where even her voice just pisses me off. She is just so annoying and bitchy and she is trying way to hard to be “popular” and it makes me want to vomit. Here is a list of her horrible qualities that make me want to kill someone:
her...
motheweeds asked: Re: your post.
I love you. We could skype this weekend? maybe?
I love you. We could skype this weekend? maybe?
I want to talk to one of my friends about sexuality. Specifically my sexuality. I mean it is not that I think I am a lesbian or anything but I have been thinking about it a lot and I do not know there is just so many things to think about and talk about and it is just all so crazy.
But Molly is at college :c
And Lauren is difficult to speak to about such things :c
And Louie is a boy and I feel...
February 2011
8 posts
I think it is funny when people assume that I think I am pretty
Because I honestly do not, but by saying, “you think you are prettier than me” without me ever saying anything along those lines you are showing that you think that I am goodlooking.
That was very poorly worded, oh well.
I am having a panic attack and a nosebleed at the same time.
Why does my family have to be moving at the same time that I am moving out?
I mean it is hard enough to leave my childhood home behind but then on top of that I will never ever be able to live here again even when I come home for breaks.
Also, as if gathering up stuff to take to college was not enough, I have to pack all of my things...
Sometimes I miss being blonde. Not because I dislike my hair now, but rather because I feel like by changing my hair color I separated myself from my mother even more than I already am. Which is ridiculous.
Well, I am home from camp. Although I am glad to be home to see some people, I also wish I never had to leave. Sometimes I feel like camp is the only place where I can be 100% myself 100% of the time and it just makes me really sad to know that this weekend was the last time I will ever be a camper.
1 tag
an email to my ex boyfriend that will never be...
Dear Kenny,
Well, it has been almost a year since we broke up. Dear lord why am I still sitting here thinking about you and crying over you? I guess there are a lot of things I miss about you and our relationship. Today I ran across all the emails you used to send me and they were all so sweet and lovely. I miss that so much. I miss the way you would talk to me and all the unique ways you found...
“Lauren, are you doing okay? I know this is your first Valentine’s day single in a while and it might be kind of hard for you.”
Yeah, you know, I am completely fucking fine. You are the one whining about being single and hating Valentine’s day while I am just sitting here enjoying myself so why don’t you just shut the fuck up. You are annoying as hell. Just because I...