It makes me really sad when my friends worry about me, like I think it sort of brings me back to earth a little bit just to kind of realize that some of the choices I have made aren’t necessarily the best?
For example, today I was at a Christmas party with a group of friends from high school and none of them were ever my super close friends except for Nigel. Nigel and I were really really close at the beginning of high school and then we kind of stopped being close but yeah that’s not important
Basically a small sub group of us (Nigel included) were sharing stories and playing 10 fingers and some of my recent experiences with drugs and sex and alcohol were brought up and everyone was pretty much just really entertained like “WOW Lauren you’re having such a great time at college I’m kind jealous!!” sort of thing but then when I was leaving Nigel got up to hug me and he squeezed me really tight and whispered “Please don’t get too messed up” and it kind of made me cry. Like I guess I don’t really think about the things I do from the right perspective because most of my close friends at school are doing the exact same things and just having someone like Nigel say something so real to me is a little bit of a slap in the face. I mean, Louie has talked to me about it some but he is one of my best best friends so that is sort of his job I guess, and same with Olivia. But having Nigel say something like that kind of blew me away. And I guess more than putting my actions into light it kind of put my reasons into light? Because I dunno I mean I guess I just haven’t been the happiest lately and I have been turning to drugs and alcohol a lot to fix that and that’s kind of scary and I really appreciate Nigel’s small gesture even though it probably won’t change anything because I’mm not really willing to change right now but yeah, it made me think.
